


broken melody, lullaby of pain

by melancholydreadfuldream



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:41:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25483336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melancholydreadfuldream/pseuds/melancholydreadfuldream
Summary: The Doctor thought you died along with everyone and yet here you are under the clutch of the Master.
Relationships: The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Reader, Thirteenth Doctor/Reader, Twelfth Doctor/Reader
Kudos: 56





	broken melody, lullaby of pain

**Fandom: Doctor Who**

**Pairing: 12th Doctor x Reader & 13th Doctor x Reader**

**Summary: The Doctor thought you died along with everyone and yet here you are under the clutch of the Master.**

**_Warning: ooc, angst, obsession, mention of mental abuse, plot holes as usual, etc._ **

After saying goodbye with her fam, the Doctor made her way toward the matrix chamber where the deranged Master and his CyberMaster are, bringing with her the weapon of destruction that she intend to use on them and herself in the process.

She thought of the telepathy she shared earlier with the Master and how he said he has one last surprise for her. Knowing him, she need to be on guard because it will definitely be unpleasant.

But she never thought that the surprise he mentioned would be…you.

As she entered the hall where she supposed to meet the Master, she saw a young woman standing alone in the middle of the room. She felt like she was punched in the gut when the woman turned around and revealed herself.

“(name)?” She called out hesitantly.

You didn’t reply at first. You look terrified. Your eyes are glassy as you glanced at the Doctor.

The Doctor blinked her eyes a few times as if trying to make sure what she saw is not a figment of her imagination. Though if it is, she has no idea why it would show her you. She raised her hand as if wanting to reach out to you.

You took a step back away from her, making her confused. You looked almost afraid of her.

“(name), it is me, the Doctor….” She said softly in placating manner as if you are an injured animal need extra handling.

You shook your head as tears fell down your cheek. "I didn’t know where you were. She was the only one there. I didn’t know what to do…so I just did what he told me.“ You said in a hoarse and trembling voice.

The Doctor is confused, trying to make sense what you are saying before she realized that you are talking about Missy back in the mondas ship. Her mouth dropped open in horror at what you are implying. 

7777

You first met the Doctor when he was in his eleventh incarnation. You are Clara’s best friend. Clara had told you about the Doctor when you accidentally got involved in an incident with alien. 

The Doctor took you on a trip to show off time travel. You were awed by the Tardis and the weirdly energetic Time Lord. 

As the Doctor invited you to stay for a few more trips, you quickly realized that both the Doctor and Clara addicted to danger and excitement. You weren’t like them. The trips started with fun and safe and then quickly turned into lot of running and try not to get killed at. It wasn’t your cup of tea. You love the part where you see wonder but you dislikes the next part.

You didn’t stay full time on Tardis, prefering to stay on Earth where life is boring but safe. You couldn’t keep up with the glee of the unknown trouble that the Doctor and Clara shared. And you were fine with it. 

Once in a while though, Clara did convince you to take some time off and travel with them for one trip to a special place that she knew you would have love to be part of or when you are feeling burnt out with your daily life, you would phone Clara and asked her to come pick you up.

You got along quite well with the Doctor. He was a funny man and he likes you enough to let you join him and Clara for trips to see the wonder of universe.

You felt like third wheel though whenever those two started their flirting-not-flirting thing. You asked Clara about it and she admitted that she fancy him but she was unsure how to go about it. The man is practically an immortal alien and she is just a human.

You found out about Clara’s echoes eventually and she had explained that she splintered herself to save the Doctor by jumping into his timestream.

You weren’t there when the Doctor regenerated. But when you did finally met the new Doctor, you know you are in trouble because his new appearance caught your fancy. You always have a thing, a weakness for older gentleman and the new Doctor could almost pass for one if one could ignore or manage his rudeness.

Oh and Clara know all about your little crush on the Doctor and teases you mercilessly. You were not pleased especially considering that your best friend has dibs on the Doctor first.

To your surprise, Clara give you the go ahead to try and woo the Doctor, not that you would. He is an immortal alien, remember? Same issue still applied in this case. But you were surprised with Clara’s revelation about how the new Doctor has basically sit her down and said he was not her boyfriend. Ouch. That made you more determined to never acted on your stupid crush.

It was awkward at first trying to interact with the new Doctor as you were so used with chin boy, Clara’s nickname for Eleventh Doctor. But with a few more meeting, you would eventually grew fond of him. You didn’t know what he think of you but he might be tolerating you for Clara. You thought you were in your best behavior around him. You never flirted with him or provoke him. 

Clara is truly his best mate, able to keep him on his toes, rein him in when he deliberately being cruel. As much as you have a bad crush on him, you couldn’t handle his rudeness.

Clara eventually dated a man called Danny Pink. When the Doctor found out, he was livid. He materialized Tardis in your living room and proceed to complain about it to you of all people. 

You tried to calm him down and convinced him that if he care for Clara, he should be happy for her.

Then come the fight. Clara told you about what happened with the moon and how the Doctor abandoned her alone. You were helpless to try to console her as she made a decision that she was done with the Doctor.

Of course, not long after Clara left, the Doctor came to you, babbling about how he didn’t understand what he did wrong to Clara and so you set him straight. He was genuinely afraid now that his impossible girl will truly left him. So you suggested one last hurrah between them in hope in that one trip they could find a common ground again. 

Later on, Clara remained with the Doctor, apparently they have made up nice. You were glad for them.

7777

Clara is inconsolable. Her boyfriend died. She was mostly numb. You tried to comfort her but she mostly ignored you. 

Desperate, you turned to the Doctor for help eventhough you know he is socially awkward. But Clara is also his best friend so you demanded that he did something for her to help her.

"What she need is time and space to mourn.” The Doctor said.

“But I’m worried for her. She is not eating or sleeping well. She is not grieving properly.”

“There is a proper way of grieving?” He raised impressive eyebrows at you mockingly.

You rolled your eyes. “You know what I meant.”

It was then he received a call from Clara which make you panicked as if you are receiving a phone call from a crush much to the Doctor’s amusement.

You glared at him and told him to drop you home before he goes to Clara.

“What happened to comforting her together?”

“You are her thing.”

The Doctor look insulted. “I’m not her thing!”

You almost laughed at how insulted he look like. “I just meant you and her are…have this bond, you know, special one…and this trips on the Tardis are always yours and hers. And she obviously need you more than she need me. So…”

The Doctor looked uncomfortable, probably has no idea what to say to you so he dropped you home without more fuss.

Next thing you know there were red alerts as citizens are told to stay at home away from the street. From the news, you realized Earth is invaded by alien…again. You recognized the cybermen. You are worried for the Doctor and Clara.

You were relieved when the day after Clara contacted you, apologizing for not keep in touch with you. She told you the Doctor has gone, returned back to Gallifrey, his home planet.

As months passed with Clara withdrawn and depressed, you contacted the Doctor, leave a voicemail telling him that Clara need him and that she still didn’t cope well with the loss of Danny.

You didn’t receive any reply. But a week later, the Doctor suddenly show up during your date night with an older gentleman that is your type and the Doctor made a mess of the date. You were furious with him.

“What do you mean that Clara didn’t cope well with the loss of PE? Danny is back, isn’t he? Clara told me so!” The Doctor approached the table where you sat with your date without any greeting and started babbling urgently. 

“Doctor? What are you doing here?” You hissed furiously. “Danny is dead, remember?”

The Doctor started talking really fast at you before stopped and noticing your date. He then ruined it by asking if the man is your father. You really wanted to drop your head on the table right at that moment.

Uncomfortable with the Doctor, your date politely asked if they can reshedule their date in another time but you know he wouldn’t ever call you back now. The date is going well too and now thanks to the Doctor, it is now ruined. At least, your date still paid for dinner despite your insistent to let you pay everything. You apologized to him and watched him left with a sigh before glaring at the Doctor.

The Doctor shrugged innocently and grinned sheepishly at you.

You sighed in resignation and led him back into his Tardis where you both talked about Clara. The Doctor admitted of lying about Gallifrey. 

You rolled your eyes at him. “You are both idiot. It is obvious you miss each other. Don’t be stubborn and go to her, Doctor, tell her the truth, tell her you know Danny is not back.”

The Doctor said he will think about it. He seemed to think Clara is better without him. You wanted to slap him so much for his stupidity.

Eventually you learned that Clara is back traveling on the Tardis with the Doctor. According to them, santa claus made them do it.

7777

The Doctor now dressed like a rock star and he show off his ability to play electric guitar to you and Clara. 

He was kinder now, less rude. He no longer complained too much whenever Clara or you hug him. One might say he is a bit affectionate toward the both of you.

You still refused to be his full time companion like Clara. You would take a trip or two for every two weeks or whenever you felt like you need a time out.

The Doctor is currently at the console, playing a tune on his guitar while talking about some sci-fi stuff that completely beyond your understanding.

You stared at him with fondness.

Clara noticed it and teased you about it later on. She asked whether you need her help to woo the Doctor to which you replied you are not the Doctor’s type. She is. Which promptly shut her up.

During one of the trip, you noticed how careless Clara is and you talked to the Doctor about it but he brush you off, telling you that he won’t let anything bad happen to Clara…or you, he added as afterthought.

You were touched that he care about you enough and said so to him to which he replied that he consider you as friend too. You were so happy that you hugged him and kissed his cheek.

He stared at you blankly as he touches his cheek.

You giggled as you suddenly felt bold enough to actually start flirting with him. But later on, you felt like you wanted to crawl under a rock for being insane enough to do that especially since he didn’t seem to know how to deal with your affection.

Clara laughed at you when you told her about it much to your dismay.

7777

Clara is dead. You got a phone call from Clara’s father. Her body is found on a street. They had no idea what is the cause of death. From Rigsy, you found out the truth.

You were unable to cope with her death and you wished to talk to the Doctor but you couldn’t even contact him. According to Rigsy, the Doctor was taken to somewhere else, presumably by an enemy of the Doctor.

You are worried for the Doctor but there is nothing you can do about it. You contacted UNIT and spoke to Kate but even she has no clue what is going on.

There is nothing you can do but to help with Clara’s funeral. You tried to be brave for Clara’s family. After the funeral, when you are finally alone and realizing the loss of Clara, you broke down crying.

You now understood how Clara felt when she lost Danny. You just wanted to be left alone, not wanting to do anything at all.

Then, Clara reappeared in front of you in a waitress uniform from a Tardis that resembles a dinner. She was there to say goodbye and to tell you to take it easy when next you met the Doctor. She told you the Doctor has no memory of herself now.

You wonder if the Doctor would even bother to come for you as the one connecting you to him is always Clara.

“He considered you as a friend too, you know. He likes you. Not many people can says that.” Clara reassured you. She made you promise to help the Doctor eventhough you have no idea what you could possibly offer the Doctor. You are not her.

“If he comes for me, I promise I will help him to the best of my ability.” You made that promise, fully aware that the Doctor is unlikely to come for you despite his words before about considering you as a friend. He didn’t strike you as the type who keep a regular contact with those he called friends unless they were his current companion.

You and Clara had a teary goodbye and you watched her Tardis vanished before your eyes. You never saw her again.

As you predicted, the Doctor never come for you. You weren’t surprised but it still hurts you. You tried not to take it personally. You tried to move on with your life.

7777

It was merely an accident that you met the Doctor again. You were accompanying your slightly younger cousin to check out St. Luke’s University. Your cousin is thinking to apply to that university.

It was there you overheard a bunch of students talking about their eccentric teacher, the one called the Doctor.

Curious but also dreading to meet him, you decided to look for him. And you did find him.

He was playing his electric guitar at his posh office. You saw his blue box on the corner of the room.

He glanced at your arrival. He didn’t seem to recognize you at first.

You slapped him. You didn’t meant to but when you saw his indifferent face, you kind of loses it.

He was taken aback by the sudden assault but before he could say a word, you slapped him again and then hit his chest repeatedly with your fists as you yelled and cursed at him.

He gripped both of your hands to stop the assault on his person. His eyes softened as he whispered your name. He apologized to you as you broke down crying in his arms.

“It has been 2 years, you bastard! You left me behind without any explanation for what happened to Clara! You promised me she will be safe even after I told you she was reckless! And then she died and you don’t even have the courtesy to show up and explain everything! I had to heard it all from Rigsy!” You yelled at him.

“I know.” He looked remorseful but you are still so mad at him.

“I know that you no longer have any memory of Clara but surely you remember me? You said you considered me as friend but you abandoned me! Friends don’t do that, you jerk! Stupid eyebrow!”

The Doctor remained silent in the face of your fury. After you calmed down, he offered you tea much to your bewilderment.

You told him about how Clara told you what happened to him, being trapped in a confession dial, almost breaking the rule of time for the sake of Clara and also about the promise you made to her. So, after all of that, you asked him how he is holding up.

The Doctor admitted of being ashamed of himself for what happened to Clara and can’t bear to face you especially since he couldn’t even remember Clara at all.

You and the Doctor talked about Clara a lot. Through you, the Doctor is able to put a face on Clara. You told him the brave tale of Clara Oswald and her Doctor.

You forgot about your cousin until she called you. You had to leave the Doctor but you were reluctant. You asked him if he will be at the university for long. He said he will be stuck in there for a long while.

You smiled softly at him. “Can I come see you again?”

He glanced down at you with fond smile. “If you like.”

You hugged him and he, at first, was hesitant to hug you but he did eventually.

7777

After that day, you spend at least a few hours to visit him in the university and you have valid excuse because your cousin did apply there.

There were rumour floating around that you were the Doctor’s girlfriend but you and the Doctor ignored it.

The Doctor introduced you to Nardole and Bill. Bill is curious about how you know the Doctor and she recognized that you did indeed still fancy the Doctor and teases you about it.

The Doctor eventually told you about the reason he was stuck there. You had heard about Missy before from Clara and her warning that she is pure evil. You have no interest in meeting her.

Knowing the Doctor stuck there, you tried to cheer him up by asking him out. He was confused whether you are asking him out on a date after Bill’s teasing about him having a date and he asked you about it.

You were embarrassed and cursed Bill for bringing that up. You told him it was a friendly outing. Though, of course, you sort of wished for more but this is the Doctor. He is dense when it come to romance. Also, you have no idea if he even feel the same, probably not.

One day, the Doctor asked you out for a date night in some foreign planet. He claimed it was for ruining your date night years ago. You laughed at the date night he mentioned. You remembered that night when he asked your date of the night if he was your father. He eventually admitted he was asking you out because Bill wouldn’t shut up about how you fancy him and how lucky he was to have someone like you waiting around for him.

Your face reddened as you muttered about killing Bill. 

He smiled kindly at you which made your heart flutter around like a trapped butterfly inside a jar. “Spare Bill your wrath, she was just concerned for you and I. Apparently, she ship us.”

You nearly choke on your drink when he said that with a flat face. You felt like you are not nearly drunk enough to survive this humiliation. Overall, it was a successful date night. You have fun. The Doctor is surprisingly good at planning a date night. 

You remembered that Clara once told you that he was married to River Song but she was deceased. You wondered what kind of a woman she was to have caught his fancy. She must be someone amazing. You didn’t dare to ask him about her but you saw the picture he had on his office. You even asked Nardole about her. You realized the Doctor is still hung up on her and Clara to some extent even if he didn’t remember her.

You sighed, hating yourself for being insecure. You knew the Doctor is out of your league and yet here you are, falling under his spell again. You didn’t know whether to hug Bill or hit her for plotting against you like this. You were, in the end, grateful for a chance to have a memory of being on a date with the Doctor. Though, the realization that according to the Doctor, this is somewhat a pity date, ruined it for you.

After that one date, you avoided the Doctor like a plague. It was Bill who come to you and knock some sense into you.

“This is the Doctor we are talking about. He doesn’t know what even a pity date is. So, please, (name), just come back. You are miserable. He is also miserable. He blames me, you know, for taking my advice and takes you out on a date. He thought he did something wrong to you. Now he thought he had lost you too.” Bill said.

You narrowed your eyes at her. “You are lying, aren’t you? There is no way the Doctor acted like that merely because I’m not there.”

“Well yeah he didn’t pout as much, mostly he tried distracting himself with teaching and traveling in the Tardis, but he is very grumpy, more than usual. Ask Nardole if you don’t believe me. Ask his students, they thought you broke up with him and that made him become no fun anymore.”

So, yeah, like the fool you are, you decided to come back and have as Bill put it a ‘grown-up’ talk with the Doctor.

What the hell…you decided to tell him the truth and see what happened. If he didn’t feel the same, well, that’s a problem that you will have to deal with anyway sooner or later. Better just do it and get it over with now. Rip the band-aid so to speak. Maybe then you can properly move on and erased your feeling for him to make room for new feeling for someone else.

You had a long talk with the Doctor. You found out Bill is right about the date being not a pity date. He had even told you that if he didn’t like you, he would never took you out on a date. 

“I can’t promise you forever.” The Doctor eventually said.

“I never would ask you that. I know that you can’t do that. All I ask, if you are willing, to be with me for as long as we can.”

“Then you shall have me for as long as you want to, (name).” The Doctor said.

You were surprised and felt elated by his words. You took his hand on yours and beamed at him.

He glanced down at you with soft smile and kind eyes. You loved him more for it. 

7777

The Doctor took you on dates many times after that. He is taking care to make sure there will be no crisis need averting during the dates but that did not always work.

You should have known the Doctor is definitely a trouble magnet despite his effort. During a date night, the place where the Doctor took you with was invaded by a hostile group.

Of course, you were taken hostage as the Doctor along with a group of people that apparently genious in their own right were forced to solve some chess puzzle with life or death at stake.

Thinking the Doctor need more incentive, they put you into some death trap where one wrong move during the chess puzzle will end with your death.

You were properly scared especially after you saw the person before you died in agony when someone else before the Doctor is forced to solve it.

The Doctor is enraged by this hostile group who put you in this situation.

You couldn’t help the tears that flooded your eyes as your body trembled waiting for the pain of death even as you glanced up at the Doctor, trying to put up a brave face. 

He told you to shut up when he realized you were trying to say goodbye, believing that you will die in that death trap.

It was a close call but he eventually able to cheat the game and freed you. You were so relieved as you fell into his arms weakly.

The Doctor however is angry especially when he learned that the trap is plotted by someone called Gus. He eventually told you he know a Gus, one responsible for the incident of the mummy in orient express back when he was with Clara.

You remembered Clara told you about their supposed last hurrah on orient express. You wondered if Gus has some grudge against the Doctor or he just enjoy sickening games.

You could tell the Doctor felt guilty for putting you in danger. You were afraid that he will change his mind and left you behind. You grabbed on one of his arms, putting your head near his chest and whispered to him that you are okay and you will try not to scare easy, that you will do better next time.

The Doctor looked sad when you said that.

7777

Feeling guilty after what happened at the last date, the Doctor took you to have some fun. He assurred you the place is safe.

The Doctor took you out to some alien bazaar in some orange planet but he accidentaly took you to the same place where he once as his eleventh incarnation took you and Clara.

You were stunned when you saw past Clara, wishing you can come to her and give her a hug.

It was Eleventh Doctor who notices you and he was confused because he was sure he left you with Clara.

You blinked at Chin Boy and took a look at him. You still found it hard to believe that he is the same person as Eyebrow.

It was then your Doctor appeared and he put his hand around your waist as he started talking about some attraction that he thought you would like. He didn’t seem to notice his past-self at first.

It was kind of funny watching Chin Boy pieces it together your relationship with his future-self. He spluttered in surprise and waved his hands around like a deranged giraffe.

When your Doctor finally recognized his past-self, he didn’t look at all impressed or happy seeing him. They started to insult each other, whether it was about his past chin or his future eyebrow.

You stifled a giggle as both Doctors glared at you.

After Chin Boy left, you were wondering if that meant he always know that they will ended up dating but he said his past-self would not retain any memory of meeting you and him.

As you watched past you and Clara having a laugh together, you couldn’t help but felt sad. You glanced up to see your Doctor staring at Clara too. You could tell he is trying to remember her, anything about her, but he couldn’t.

You took his hand and led him away from the scene. You kissed his cheek and asked him what he need right now.

The Doctor glanced down at you with soft smile. You could almost believe that he loves you at that moment.

7777

You and the Doctor are officially dating now. Bill and Nardole knew about it. Your cousin knew about it. The whole university knew about it.

His students like to ask the Doctor about your relationship during his lecture much to his dismay. He even told you that your cousin attended his lectures too and asked about the nature of his relationship with you.

You stiffled a smile and promised him you would tell your cousin to stop teasing him.

You were reluctant to travel with him full time, prefering to be safe on Earth, letting him, Bill and Nardole instead playing the hero game. You were grateful that the Doctor didn’t think less of you for wanting to stay safe.

7777

You were so afraid for the Doctor upon finding out he is blind. You were angry at him for keeping it a secret from you. You refused to leave his side, wanting to make sure he is safe even if it meant you have to get down and dirty with any crisis headed his way.

You were so grateful for Bill for she is the only one in position to make a deal with the Monk to save him. You were with the Doctor but on the wrong side. You couldn’t help him at all. You thought you would lose him for good this time. But then Bill saved him.

After he regained his eyesight, the Doctor set out to figure out a way to get the monks off the Earth.

That was the first time the Doctor took you and Bill inside the vault where you laid eyes on Missy for the first time.

You didn’t like her at all. As Clara told you before, Missy is cruel with her words, not afraid to strike anyone down with her pouting lips. But the Doctor seemed to manage her well enough.

The Doctor said he was trying to rehabilitate her and he thought it was working well. She seemed to start showing remorse.

After the monk fiasco is over with, the Doctor told you and Bill about his plan to give Missy a test run to see how she deal with a crisis.

Missy is curious with you upon realizing you are dating the Doctor, teasing him about what a pedophile he is for taking a very young human to be his fuck buddy. Her words is crude and very insulting. You dislikes her even more. But you got the feeling she couldn’t careless whether anyone likes her or not, except maybe the Doctor. 

You got a feeling that maybe there were deeper history between her and the Doctor. You wondered if they ever become lovers in their past but that is not something you can ask him. Come to think about it, you still don’t know much about the Doctor except from what Clara told you which is a lot but still not enough. You tried to respect his need for secret. You know he is just indulging you in your desire to have him as your lover. He didn’t owe you anything more than he want to share.

7777

Everything fall apart during the first test run for Missy. For once, you agreed to go with them but you remained on the Tardis with the Doctor while Bill and Nardole play the part as Missy’s companion.

Worried for Bill, the Doctor immediately got outside but he locked you inside the Tardis against your wishes. He wanted you safe.

Before he could get Bill to safety, she got killed by the blue alien who is afraid of the things inside the ship who only come when there is human nearby.

After Bill was taken away, the Doctor eventually allowed you out of the Tardis after he knocked out the blue alien. 

“Bill is my friend. I won’t just sit there inside the Tardis.”

“There are creatures down there who goes after human. You will be in danger.” The Doctor said.

“I don’t care! We stick together, Doctor, no matter what." 

He relented and allowed you to come with them. You ignored Missy mocking you, prefering to listen to the Doctor and Nardole instead.

You and the Doctor found out Bill has been turned into a cyberman, a mondasian cyberman. And of course Missy had to betray you both when her past incarnation revealed to be behind the entire plot.

You were so sad for Bill especially once you found out she is still aware of herself inside that cold steel. The Doctor lied to Bill about being able to fix her but told you the truth that he can’t.

He told you he should have made you stay inside the Tardis.

"It was my choice, Doctor, to stand here with you. I am scared but I won’t regret you.” You said.

The Master mocked both you and Bill. You wished you could hurt him right back. The Doctor pulled you and Bill away from him.

7777

You were in one of the room at the house, alone, trying to calm your nerve. You were really bad at handling crisis. You wished you could offer some help for the Doctor. You wished you were a companion he can depend on but you know you are not. 

While you were feeling sorry for yourself, the Doctor entered the room, watching you from the doorway. You were still unaware that he was there.

“Are you okay?” The Doctor spoke up suddenly, making you jump in surprise.

You were nervous, that everyone probably can tell. You forced a smile as you sat down, desperately trying to put on a brave face.

He sighed. “You don’t have to pretend. It’s okay to be afraid.”

“Fear is superpower?” You lightly said.

The Doctor smiled solemnly. “I’m guessing Clara told you that one too…”

“She was my best friend. We have no secret with each other. She was your best friend too.” You said as you looked down at your lap, fingers gripping at your skins. “I wish she was here. She would be able to help you more.”

The Doctor sighed. He sat beside you, put one hand over yours. He took your hand and kissed it gently.

You turned toward him slightly as you tried to smile but instead your eyes were wet with unshed tears.

“I love you, Doctor.” You whispered. “I didn’t need you to say it back. I just want you to know.” You lied, of course, it would have been nice to hear him says it but only if he meant it. You put your hand over his cheek. “Thank you for letting me stay with you.”

The Doctor didn’t say anything, only glancing down at you with a look you can’t decipher. He pulled you close to him and kissed your forehead as you rest your head on his shoulder.

That night, you sleep in each other arms or at least you were. The Doctor watched over you sleep. You only know because you were restless in your sleep. You clutched one of his arms, fully aware of how clingy you are but he has not yet rejected your touches so maybe it was okay.

You shared a smile with the Doctor as you finally gave up to try to sleep and just laid there, staring at each other.

“Whatever happen next, I’m with you. And even if I…don’t survive this, please don’t ever blame yourself.”

The Doctor looked like he want to object so you covered his mouth with your palm.

You switched into a seating position, staring at him solemnly. “I meant it. Don’t you dare regret me because I didn’t regret you. Even if today is our last day, I would be happy because I am with you. So, don’t even think of sending me away.” You said, remembering what Clara told you about how the Doctor send her away from Trenzalore.

He pulled your hand away from his mouth as he moved into a seating position too. He sighed in resignation. “As you wish then, (name).”

You stared at him suspiciously. You did know the Doctor enough from Clara to know the Doctor lies. You could only hope he would not lie to you.

7777

Things has gotten dangerous as more cybermen attacked the settlement. The Doctor, Missy and the Master worked together before the Master decided it was a lost cause and intending to leave.

It was heartbreaking watching your Doctor begging Missy to stand by his side and was rejected.

You could tell this is one of those time where the Doctor can’t save everyone. Your heart aches for him, watching him wreck his brain in an attempt to save everyone. You were a bit glad for last night with the Doctor, because you get to say everything that need saying to him. You tried to make your peace with what happening.

You were angry though when later the Doctor forced you to evacuate with Nardole and the other passengers. He said he had a plan, that everything will be okay. He promised he will come back for you and Nardole soon. He was convincing enough that you did go with Nardole. The Doctor stayed behind with Bill.

As you left with Nardole, you felt something is wrong. Against Nardole’s warning, you returned back to find the Doctor.

You never find him.

7777

You were desperate to try to find the Doctor but you couldn’t find him, instead you found Missy.

She was dying. But so is the Master. Against your better judgement, you decided to help Missy. She was always mean to you but she did help the Doctor and Bill before today. 

Missy was surprised to see you and even more when you helped her up and away from there. She guided you to the path where the Master’s Tardis is hidden.

She told you to take her to the med bay and instructed you of what to do with her fatal injuries. You were shaking but follow her instruction. You gave her some sort of injection. 

Next thing you know she was glowing and exploded. The force of her regeneration knocked you hard as you crashed into some medical cart. You were on the floor, neck bleeding from some accidental stabbing by one of the medical instruments.

You gasped as you put one hand over your injury, hoping to slow down the bleeding but you were too weak. You blacked out just as you saw a man emerged toward you, staring at you coldly. Your last thought was you wish you didn’t help Missy if this is how she repay you.

7777

You were surprised to find yourself still alive afterward. Your neck is bandaged properly. You felt so ill and weak.

“You are awake." 

You almost jumped as you heard that voice.

A man in purple suit emerged from the shadow. You have no idea who he is. You were with Missy before, weren’t you? 

You gulped. "Missy?”

He chuckled. “Call me Master.”

You flinched at that. The Master, the earlier version, was so intimidating and cruel. You don’t know what to make with this one. But he did save your life, so there is that. You were not comfortable around him.

“I…where are we now? The Doctor…”

He scoffed. “The Doctor is gone, he has abandoned the both of us.”

You glared at him. “You are the one who abandon him first.” You probably shouldn’t poke the bear.

He stared at you curiously. “Still he did abandon you. Everyone on that ship died but him while he fly away in his Tardis again. He didn’t even come back for you.”

You flinched at that. But you tried to take comfort at the fact that the Doctor survived. You hoped to reunite again with him but you are unsure how to go about it. You were practically under the Master’s mercy right now. 

You wondered why he still keep you around, not that you are not grateful. You were afraid he would abandon you into some foreign planet with no way to contact the Doctor.

“What are you going to do now…to me?” You tentatively asked.

He raised an eyebrow at you. “Sounded like you expect me to torture you or something…”

“So am I free to go then?”

“Are you going to run back to the Doctor?” He asked.

You were unsure what the correct answer would be. You were afraid the wrong answer will set him off. “I…I don’t know…”

He hummed. “He thought nobody survived in that ship. He probably thought you died too.” He chuckled. “For once, the Doctor can not save everyone.”

Your heart ached at the thought the grief the Doctor must be going through right now. You hated the Master for finding it funny that the Doctor failed to save everyone.

“I want to see him.” You whispered. “Can you…will you take me to him?”

A dark expression crossed his feature. His cold answer chilled you to the bone. “No.”

7777

The Master imprisoned you on board of his Tardis. He was mostly courteous with you.

You showed the same courtesy, mostly because you were afraid.

But when one day he landed in Victorian London, you tried to escape, hoping to find Madam Vastra and Jenny so that they can help you reunited with the Doctor.

The Master foiled your plan and got really mad at you.

“Why are you still wanting to be with him? He abandoned you!!” He roared at you, making you so frightened that you could only whimpers.

He made you so very afraid when he cupped your face as he put his forehead over yours and invaded your mind. The brutal attack on your mind left you weak as a kitten. You were completely under his mercy.

After that day, you were to afraid to disobey him and just do what he told you…mostly. He is up to his usual chaos and you refused to be a part of it, especially when you realized he was plotting against the Doctor.

He was harsh with you and have no qualm to attack you mentally until you submit to him.

You prayed that the Doctor will come and rescue you. He laughed at your thoughts and showed you the Doctor from his hidden camera.

That was the first time you were told that the Doctor has regenerated…into a woman. She has new companions with her. She called them her fam.

Your heart ached at the thought the Doctor you know and fell in love with is gone, replaced with this woman. Part of you though recognized that she is still the Doctor. You were glad though that she found new companions and that she is not alone.

The Master is displeased with you whenever he caught you thinking of the Doctor. You didn’t understand why he insisted to keep you around.

He told you he had plan for you. You dreaded whatever he plan for you. But you were hopeless, you couldn’t even save yourself. You hated your weakness.

With each passing months, you lose hope to ever reunited again with your Doctor. Is she even still your Doctor? Will she still even want you back? You don’t know.

The Master kept taunting you, making you cry like a baby. He sometimes look at you with disgust and yet he continue to keep you. You have no idea why.

7777

The Master showed you Gallifrey. He was proud to show his homeland. And then he locked you back into his Tardis.

When he returned, he was in deranged state, making you scared and very jumpy as he raged at the console and at the world.

7777

You were mute now, hardly talk at all. The Master had forced a telepathic bond with you after he experimented with you. It was scary and painful, making you wish for death instead.

You hated him but even all of your emotions slowly muted into defeaning silence.

One day, he told you that he has set his plan for the Doctor in motion. He curiously observed you to see your reaction.

You stared at him blankly.

He seemed satisfied. He cupped your face. “You will be my last surprise for the Doctor.” He said as he caressed your cheek gently. “If everything going as I planned, you will soon see her.”

You didn’t say anything.

7777

You finally get to reunite with the Doctor. The Master even dressed you up for the occasion.

For the first time, as you laid eyes on the Doctor, some of your emotion resurfaced.

"I didn’t know where you were. She was the only one there. I didn’t know what to do…so I just did what he told me.“ You said in a hoarse and trembling voice.

The Doctor is confused, trying to make sense what you are saying before she realized that you are talking about Missy back in the mondas ship. Her mouth dropped open in horror at what you are implying. 

You must have been with Missy when she regenerated. Had she left you under the Master’s mercy all this time? The Doctor thought you perished in that ship like everyone else. Like Bill. Like Nardole.

Her hearts ached as she recalled the Testimony Project and how she got to meet Bill and Nardole, even Clara one last time. But she never did met you. At the time she thought you were simply mad at her previous version for lying and refused to show yourself to him.

She recalled the look Bill and Nardole exchanged when he asked them about you. Did they know that you survived?

"Where is he?” The Doctor asked you.

“Right here.” The Master appeared with his CyberMaster in tow.

The Doctor realized she was surrounded.

“How do you like your surprise, Doctor?” The Master gleefully asked.

The Doctor glared at him. “What have you done to her?”

The Master turned to you and smiled. “Come here, (name).”

To the Doctor’s horror, you obeyed him without hesitation.

“See? I take care of your pet, Doctor, the one you abandoned for death.” He said as he cupped your chin playfully. “We even saved each other. It was all very…poetic.”

The Doctor flinched with guilt at the thought that she did abandon you without a thought that you could possibly survive.

The Master then started bragging about his CyberMaster which he fully intend to use to conquer Earth.

The Doctor showed him the trigger for the death particle that she is fully intend to use to stop the Master and his army.

“Would you really use that?” The Master taunted. “Even if it meant you will kill her again?”

The Doctor flinched again at the mention of you. She glanced up at you and at the lost expression on your face. Her hearts ached for you. She long to envelop you in her embrace, to take you away from the Master and back in her Tardis to keep you safe. But she knew she had to stop the Master first and foremost.

“I can’t risk you to lay waste on the universe.” The Doctor said firmly as she gripped tight the trigger.

The Master looked ecstatic at her answer. “Do it then. Do it. Come on and do it. Save the universe.”

You remained silent throughout the exchange between the Doctor and the Master.

The Doctor eventually dropped the trigger, unable to follow through.

The Master look disappointed, promising to lay waste the universe, thanks to her weakness.

He turned toward you. “Come along, (name).”

You flinched. You stared at the Doctor longingly before hesitantly took a step toward the Master.

The Doctor moved quicker to try to stop you. “Leave her here. You have no use of her.”

The Master look amused. “Is that so? I’m actually quite fond of her. After all, she is the first face this face saw. You know how it is, Doctor, she is mine now.”

The Doctor glared at him. “She is not yours!”

The Master rolled his eyes and commanded you to come to her.

At the time, Ko Sharmus suddenly appeared, picked up the trigger.

The Doctor quickly grabbed you as Ko Sharmus stepped toward the Master showing that he will pull the trigger.

The Doctor pulled you into her arms and ran as Ko Sharmus told her too before pulling the trigger.

7777

You and the Doctor were inside a Tardis but not the Doctor’s.

After she flew the Tardis to safety, she turned to you to check you for injury. She smiled elatedly at you but the smile slide off her face immediately.

You couldn’t believe that you had escaped the Master. As you glanced at the Doctor and saw her slowly smile adorably at you, you blacked out.

The Doctor barely able to catch your fallen body. She pulled her sonic screwdriver to scan you. Dread filled her hearts as she realized you had fallen into a coma.

7777

In the Tardis medbay, the Doctor stared at the result of your medical scan. There is nothing physically wrong with you.

The Doctor had no choice but to go inside your mind without consent to investigate what’s wrong with you.

She was horrified to know that you were bonded to the Master. The Master had made it so your mind can’t function if you are too far from him.

You were sealed within the deep corner of your mind unable to get out, unable to do anything but hover in the corner, afraid and lost.

The Doctor couldn’t get through you at all. But she saw the remnant of message from the Master.

“Did you really think I would let you have a happy ending, Doctor?” The Master said cruelly. “She is mine. If you want her back, you simply have to give her back to me and she will be good as new.”

The Doctor scoffed at him. “You are insane if you think I would let you anywhere near her again.”

“You can’t keep her from me, Doctor. I have make sure that she could never hid from me.”

The Doctor realized the truth in what the Master said. You would never be safe from him. So there is only two thing she can do.

She will have to forcefully break the bond between you and the Master which will hurt both you and the Master a great deal but at least you will be safe from him.

Also, she will have to fix the damage in your mind courtesy of the Master but the damage is too much and she has to wipe your memories of the Master and of everything pertaining the Doctor. 

The Master must have known that the Doctor would do exactly that. “Typical. You won’t even give her any choice, would you?”

The Doctor glared at him in fury. “You are the one who did this to her. You hurt her. You broke her.” She yelled at him. “I will not let you get to her anymore.”

As she made up her mind, she focused on psychic attack on the bond. She winced as you screamed in pain. The Master also screamed but mostly cursing the Doctor.

She muttered apologies to you over and over again as her eyes shimmered in tears.

She put her hands over both side of your face and started to erase everything about the Doctor and the Master.

Tears fell on your cheeks as the Doctor purged the last memories of the person you love from your mind.

7777

The Doctor had you covered in long coat covering yourself from head to toes. She waited for someone patiently as she carried you in her arms. You were still unconscious.

“Doctor.”

“Jack.”

“Love the new face. You look good, Doctor.”

The Doctor didn’t reply.

“Is that her?”

She nodded. “Keep her safe, Jack. Give her new identity and take care to make sure that she will have everything she need.”

“Of course.”

The Doctor glanced at your sleeping face mournfully. “She is not safe with me or anywhere near me. The Master is after her.”

Jack’s eyes widened. “The Master is alive?”

The Doctor nodded.

“What could he possibly want with her?”

“The Master is insane as you know. He has obsession with her because she saved him before he regenerated and she is the first face he saw after he regenerated.” The Doctor said. “I had to erase everything she know of me and the Master. It was the only way to keep her safe.”

Jack glanced at the Doctor, noticing how miserable she look. “Don’t worry, Doctor, I will personally make sure she will be safe.”

“Thank you, Jack. I owe you.”

Jack took you in his arms gently, careful not to wake you.

The Doctor released you reluctantly to Jack. She took one last look at your face before steeling herself. She turned around and left without looking back.

You were half-awake as you saw a woman walking away from you and for some reason, your heart ached but sleep took over you again and with that, you forgot.


End file.
